Brain Autopilot: In the whirlwind of our daily lives, our minds sometimes take unexpected detours, leading us down paths of delightful absentmindedness. From the comical mishaps that occur when our brains momentarily switch to autopilot, to the side-splitting moments that result from our endearing lapses in attention, the human experience is punctuated by instances of pure hilarity. A recent spark was ignited when a curious Redditor inquired, “What is the most bizarre thing you’ve caught yourself doing after your brain’s autopilot misfired?” The response was a treasure trove of captivating and relatable anecdotes that tickle the imagination.
Join us as we embark on a journey through these uproarious tales of everyday blunders and unanticipated chuckles, reminding us that even in our most absentminded moments, laughter is never far away.
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Get ready to indulge in a collection of anecdotes that capture the essence of our wonderfully imperfect human nature.
The pipe underneath my sink was broken so I put a bucket below it to catch the water leaking out. When it was full I poured it back in the sink...and proceeded to flood my kitchen.
Started unbuttoning and unzipping my trousers while I walked towards the toilet, just like I do at home because I'm efficient like that. Except I was at work and was walking through the shared office.
Not sure if this counts as autopilot but I was about 14 at school, and we had this classmate who had Down syndrome. He kept saying "s**k my d**k" and a bunch of us couldn't help but laugh.
When the time came for our teacher to register, she called out my name. Instead of saying "Here, miss", I said "s**k my-" but managed to stop myself by slapping my hand over my mouth.
People started laughing and our teacher couldn't quite make out what I said, wondering why everyone was laughing. One girl saved my a** by telling the teacher that I accidentally said "here, mum" instead of "here, miss".
Put my phone under a faucet to fill up my water bottle.
I recognized my mistake.
And then I did it again
Vigorously picking my nose while holding a cigarette and driving; crammed lit cigarette up my nose.
The night before last, I went to the backyard to bring the dog into the house. Autopilot moved my feet 10 or so steps out the door, telling the "dog" to come in. My brain then caught up and remembered the dog was in bed and I was indeed approaching a black bear that was eating watermelon rinds from the trash can
My dog's favorite part of the day is dinner time. I pull out her food, and she starts wagging and doing the tippy-taps, get a scoop of food, and instead of going to her bowl, I dump the full scoop into the trash can. She then just looked at me with the saddest eyes and I felt terrible, so she got a little bit extra food and some pets.
I'm an ex-bus driver and many times on my way home from work, I would go to pull into a bus stop, in my car...
I was getting ready for work and had a contact in one hand and a vitamin in the other. Popped the contact in my mouth and washed it down with a glass of water. I'm sure the stomach acid took care of it.
As a teenager, I worked at McDonald's. My McDonald's was 24 hours and, during the summer, I worked the overnight shift. My sleep schedule would get all messed up.
My parents woke me up for dinner one evening. I zombie-walked to the table and sat down. My dad asked me to say grace. I bow my head and say, "Thank you for choosing McDonald's, may I take your order?"
I took the metro home then realized I drove to work.. that was a long night.
I kissed my wife's best friend. It was totally innocent and something we laughed about.
I had to take a bus to work every day at about 4 am. My wife usually drove me to the stop so that I didn't have to leave my car there for 14 hours.
My wife's friend was staying with us while she looked for a job and house in the area. She was getting up early anyways so she decided she would take me and let my wife sleep. When we got to the stop, I just instinctively leaned over and kissed her goodbye. She had a dumbfounded look on her face, and mine instantly turned red as I realized what I'd done. I just said, "Sorry, it was a habit."
My wife poked fun at me for days for putting the moves on her friend.
When I was in high school and living on the family farm, I used to feed the horses and barn cats every morning. Waking up at 6 am for this as a 16-year-old guaranteed that I was half asleep. So, I grabbed the cat food like I always did, walked to the table where my cat’s bowl was like I always did, and poured some in. My cat always jumped up on the table right away to start eating right away, and one morning as something jumped up in front of me I absentmindedly pet it as usual. The hair felt a little rough so I looked down and instead of my friendly orange cat, there was a skunk. Just chilling there eating the cat food while I pet its back.
Was jogging late at night. A guy reached out his hand in front of me as I passed.
I high-fived him.
Turns out he was hailing a taxi.
Once I was laying in bed very tired watching tv. All the characters on the show piled into a car together, and I thought for a second “s**t I forgot to put my seatbelt on” before realizing I was safely in bed and nowhere near a car.
I was feeling an encroaching sickness coming upon me one time, so I decided to be proactive and make myself a couple of days' worth of the most baller chicken soup I could manage in advance, so I'd be able to eat well even when I was dying of the lurgy. I chopped the carrots, I sorted the onions, I stewed the chicken bones, and I cooked that motherfucker down for eight hours into the most delicious stock you could imagine.
Then I poured it all through a colander into the sink.
I used to work at the airport, and got used to yelling the word 'Next please!' a lot. One week, I was working really long shifts, and was pretty tired. I decided to stop at McDonalds on my way home from work and went through the drive through. When I stopped to tell them my order, I yelled 'NEXT PLEASE!' into the speaker.